


Tan France and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Week

by RingThroughSpace



Category: Doctor Who (2005), Queer Eye for the Straight Guy RPF
Genre: Crack Crossover, Fix-It of Sorts, Gen, two flavors that go great together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-05
Updated: 2020-09-05
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:14:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26157124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RingThroughSpace/pseuds/RingThroughSpace
Summary: This is a no judgement zone,Jonathan had emphasized already.We advise. We talk. We do not complain.
Relationships: Tan France & Antoni Porowski & Jonathan Van Ness & Karamo Brown & Bobby Berk
Kudos: 11





	Tan France and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Week

Tan stared sullenly at the wall. It was white. Depersonalized. Blank. 

This late in the week _(what week?)_ , Bobby should be redecorating. Instead, he was talking about their newest case.

 _This is a no judgement zone,_ Jonathan had emphasized already. _We advise. We talk. We do not complain._

"Look, she sleeps in the engine room. I've been homeless. Not sleeping in your bed can be a sign of upheaval. It's really hard to bring yourself to admit that you can settle down."

"Or _maybe_ it's a sign that we're a little uncomfortable with our gender? When we're not sure the bits on our outside match the bits on our inside, sometimes-"

Tan sighed. He already had a headache. "Jonathan, can you just say things? You don't need to soften it with a royal 'we'."

Jonathan huffed. "What I was saying was-"

The door dilated and Antoni stepped in.

"Is she with you?" Bobby asked quickly.

"No." Antoni sighed. "I give up. She's got a - thing that prepares food for her. I asked her if there was anything in particular that she wanted to prepare, something that brought back pleasant memories, and she started rambling about silicon lifeforms on Xylon 5 before she said I wouldn't understand. She seems lonely." Suddenly, a far too familiar smile grew on his face. "Although -"

"No," Tan said quickly. "No dogs. She has an abandonment complex already. No dogs."

"Some of us are cat people," Jonathan added helpfully. "Or ferret people." He furrowed his brow. "Or ... bird aliens?"

Antoni's eyes lit up. "Actually, an African Grey Parrot -"

"No. No pets. We are not getting people pets. We are not getting _aliens_ pets. We are not-"

The door chimed this time, and Tan spun around guiltily, but it was only Karamo. Unlike the rest of them, he was smiling. 

"Wow," Karamo said. "That was incredible. I wish every intervention could be that easy"

"Easy? She wears an outfit from a _thrift store_."

"She puts sugar in _everything_."

"She lost a swimming pool!"

"Our gorgeous skincare routine involves _killing_ ourselves."

"Guys." Karamo was grinning. "She has a _time machine_. Do you realize how _useful_ this is? I've wasted so many hours on metaphors when what half the people I've worked with really need is a few more minutes with a loved one. Sure, you need to avoid paradoxes, but all you really have to do is check a calendar, swear everyone to secrecy, and - wham! - suddenly someone _else_ can tell you to clean up your act."

" _She_ has a time machine. She hasn't done this herself?"

"Tan, how long did it take you to come out to your family?"

 _It would have_ shamed _them. I didn't want them to know that I-_

"Okay, point."

"Sometimes it's hard to have the important conversations," Karamo said, a bit smugly. If anyone had objected, he would have said he was polishing his end-of-episode monologue. "It's easy to think that we've waited too late. But so long as our loved ones are around, it isn't. Nothing we say can change the past, but the future -"

"Wait," Antoni cut in, not a moment too soon. "She let you _use_ this thing?"

"Of course," Karamo said. "Part of the deal. No better way to travel."

"Wow." Antoni was smiling again - _not his dog smile,_ Tan thought, a bit reassured. "I have a new plan. We're going to Xylon 5. I'm going to try silicon ice cream."

**Author's Note:**

> Companion!Antoni prepares guacamole and schmoozes with dog owners everywhere.


End file.
